Dear X,

I started reading through your article today and the first thing I noticed was the quality of the writing. I found the abstract and introduction very difficult to follow. The sentences are very long and each paragraph makes multiple points. I know you have a clear idea of what it all means but, as the reader, I was lost. To see your article from a reader’s perspective, try putting some of the paragraphs into this tool.

I know re-writing is a chore but I think your article would benefit a great deal from a substantial rewrite. I am slightly obsessive with writing so please forgive me if this feedback is unwelcome.

My go to resources for writing are (in order of most frequent to least frequent use):

• Varanya Chaubey’s Little Book of Research Writing,
• Deirde McCloskey’s Economical Writing,
• Keith Head’s Introduction Formula,
• and other resources listed here.

I am definitely not a writing expert. If you feel you need help then I suggest reaching out to a professional editor. I have had all my publications checked by a professional editor. It’s worth the money!

Hope this feedback is helpful. Thank you for sharing this early version with me and I look forward to reading the next draft.